nothing

its sad... like i wasnt born in the right time or smthing... things could have ended up better if i was born later... well i'm sure there are things that made me being born in 89 an advantage, but then there are times in which i'd really wished i was born later too...

my weiqi friend was just telling me abt how they are hold the nat ladies in sept this yr, and the top 6 will get into another round of comp to choose the top 4 to go sea games... shessh how come there wasnt any thing like dat in my time????? i didnt get the chance to go overseas at all... being shadowed by one better player (only one when do not coun the inactives)... i mean if they only chose 1 player to go sea games, heck i know i wont be the one even in the past, but 4??? like hello in all my year taking part in niu zi sai i've always gotten a prize (i.e. end up in the top 6)... like even last yr i miracously still got a proze despite my horrid showing... but no, never gotten a chance to go overseas. came chose to it once in the shuang da but no, never went overseas before.

in a sese my weiqi 'career' has been a very short lived and sad one. personally i'd say that my standard peaked like in perhaps sec2-3. then i kinda lost interest in sec 4 after being overshadowed by all the boys and knowing that there wasnt anything soley for girls except for niu zi sai, which even in sec 4 was no longer a place for me to show off cos of some china girls who came and pawned everyone. pretty much gave up after that. after all, why continue? not that i can get anything out of it really, no overseas comp chances for me or anything like that... and honestly i'd rather read a science book then a weiqi book, so why bother?

but ending my weiqi 'career' like dat is really kind of sad.... like ending it on such a low note. not a single rep country comp, not even a single champion trophy in local games.... after all these years and $ and time. wasted.

which is as much as i have gathered when i decided to stop playing. i decided not to waste anymore time and $ on smthing that would gain me nothing, and smthing that wasnt my most beloved.

weiqi still isnt my most beloved, that glory will forever belong to science, but perhaps i've started loving it a bit more then last time... or perhaps its just becos i haven played in a long while and my interest for weiqi will drop back in a while. in anycase, such new opportunities have 1) made me lament that they wont present in my time. and 2) made me ponder if i should still play after As and how active i shd stay in the weiqi scene.

one thing is clear though, if i still take part in comps actively after As, i'd be the 1st girl to do so, and if i go back for lessons after As, i'd probably be the 1st person to do so. chances are that i wont go back for lessons though... they are kinda ex and the last time i went for them i was straggling to stay awake... kinda wasting money yeah? well maybe it'd be different next time but i doubt so.

weiqi is fun, no doubt, but i wonder if other stuff would be interesting enough in uni for me to have no time for weiqi... or even forget abt it all together.

in short, i do not know wat my heart wants. i wanna study med, but will probably go into clinical research later on... but then again i wonder if i'd be able to cope... with all that knowledge abt the human body it would greatly change my outlook of things and no doubt influence my own behaviours and habits. then i look at the sci fac and i wonder what the heck courses do i want to take... in the 1st place i do not even know if i want chem or bio more... (or just get a double degree is there such a thing even???)

well no i'm not saying that i can get into med sch or even the sci fac, but hey? i dont even know what to put as my 1st choice/wat uni i shd be applying for/wat ishd be looking out for right now...!?!?!? the thing is that i still do not know what i want and time is running short. apart from studying i still have to look at wat i wanna do in the future. i shdnt have been satistfied with just knowing that i liked chem and bio last time... i shd have found out more abt the courses i wanted to take in uni, then i wouldnt be worrying now!!!

in the past i always told myself --- no med, i'd like to study it, know a hell lot abt it, but i'm not a very socialable person so i wouldnt (at least i dont think so) want to practise med. but now? clinical research is becoming hell hot and yes despite cheating myself after all these years i'd really like to study med (practising, like i said, is a diff matter). and there are many examples of ppl taking med then going into research, which is wat i really do want (at least i hope)... so med has become an avaliable choice already.

but i know that if my grades keep at wat they are now, i wont be going into med sch so lets look at science --- bio, chem, biochemistry, pharmacy????? i'm cluless. honestly. and i hope my grades would get me into sci fac cos otherwise i dont know wat else i could study... physcology maybe...? hmph. i dont even know how hard it is to get into physcology... and there are probably more components to physcology that'll give my a huge headache in deciding wat to study.

and the thing is that so far all that i have done... all that srp and attachments are geared towards research and sci fac.... i wonder how those activities of mine would help in gaining me access to med fac...

so basically my prob all lies down to: which fac is my 1st choice?

that, i really do not know.

hopefully my education life wont end up as sad as my weiqi one. hopefully.

but i guess for now i'd better go back to studying hard, but its been a nice (dunnoe how long) spent on blogging... makes me feel much better... lol... blogging therapy...

hell... i've finally gotten into the studying mode... if only i've gotten into the studying mode like at the start of the year or b4 the cts, things would probably be different now... well at least i'm now in the mode to work hard. and i'd better get started now.